Most days, we find ourselves running around with errands, chores, and things that “must” be done. What if every once in a while, we gave ourselves permission to do nothing. How would that feel?

In the last three years, I began to learn the joys of not always being the captain of chaos. My entire life had been devoted to caring for others, a joy I never shied from even when it wore me down or was difficult or even painful. I would wake each day, organizing it in my head while I showered, and then charge through it like a rhinoceros, getting done what I could do. I was exhausted mentally, but I never even gave myself time to feel tired. And certainly, my brain probably never fully fired on all cylinders every day.

I made it look good on paper for a very long time until I couldn’t. And when it all crashed last year, I was forced to stop and take account of who I really was as a person without all the to-do lists and responsibilities which had become my daily norm. That was a tough spot for me. I quickly realized without the definition of myself as a caretaker (a term of codependency) that I didn’t really know who I was at all.

Perhaps this blog and my daily videos are a part of that process. My very personal decision to fully expose myself online is just as much therapy for me as it may be encouragement or comfort for you. By baring my soul here, I am learning just as much as I hope I am teaching. IF anyone is reading these, then perhaps they will let me know their thoughts too.

Regardless, my life has slowed considerably and I feel more in charge of it than I ever have before, while realizing with great certainty every day that the more I let go of that control, the better my life becomes.

Chilling or just being might look like a lack of initiative to some or simply being lazy. It’s not. What it means to me is being present, and open, living freely, and being still or pausing when I need to so I can rest. I am making moves every day, as I feel compelled, towards what I want and need my future to look like. But I still understand that even with all my best hopes and goals, a higher power may have an even better and unexpected plan awaiting me.

So, for now, I’m chilling. Me and my cat today, just hanging out and keeping it simple. And as far as I’m concerned, that is a perfect way to be today.

I’m busy…. just busy pausing, and going gently.

Word.

Christina

Just being….