We all have a beginning, a middle, and an ending story that is different from everyone else’s. A lot of what happens in the middle masks who we are the moment we are born. What do I mean by consciousness? For me, it’s that place the moments after we take our first breaths in the world. Those few seconds when we are finally aware as humans, and literally conscious of our surroundings.
That unmarred place is one of pure love, our soul untethered by heartache, and suffering is the place we strive to return to our entire lives. Most of us will never succeed; however, the journey toward it is what we make of it.
My path back toward “inwardness” as Mark Nepo calls it in The Book of Awakening has taken me to seminars, to see psychologists, through daily meditation (it works wonders to help you re-center), and currently to a life-coach, Claudia. Let me say this. It has not been easy, this trip. Far from it! I have struggled through codependency, battles of low self-worth, and depression. But I’ve also found my way back to openness, awareness, and self-love. I finally feel like I’m getting back to my core.
Now, the determination to stay there is what draws me towards a life of simplicity and away from being the Captain of Chaos. When I can, I downsize the drama by setting my boundaries, paying attention to my surroundings by being present in the moment, and of course, pausing… and going gently forward.
What does pausing and going gently look like? As a first-time diver in the salt a couple of years ago, I had too much weight in my vest, and as I entered the water I immediately began to sink. I couldn’t keep my head above the water.
Finally, I realized that if I just stopped and breathed I could slowly allow myself to submerge my head under the waves that were beating me to near-death at the surface. As my face slowly went under the water, I began to immediately feel a sense of calm. The deeper I went, the more smooth things became. I realized, by fighting and being afraid I was putting myself at risk. When I let go, paused, and moved gently down, my pulse slowed, my breathing regulated to normal, and I relaxed. The trip was wonderful after that. I spent the entire time diving without fear and thoroughly enjoyed myself. It was a whole new world for me, outwardly in the ocean, and inwardly within my consciousness.
There are lots of tools out there to use to help you reopen to a loving place and to return to your state of consciousness. Michael Ryce uses Reality Management Workshops to teach you how to collapse hurt and trauma that life and our experiences create to re-open that place of love inside of us. His retreat called Heartland in Missouri was like a mecca to me.
Everyone is unique, but in many ways, we are all the same. I hope my journey opens some awareness for you, but ultimately you are on your own journey.
So for your journey today, all I can say is pause, and be gentle to yourself and others.
Namaste Y’all!
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